February 19, 2010 0 Comments

It's finally the end of a increasingly torturous path. Much has been said but more left unsaid.

Feels liberating, this eventual extrication from a tangled web. Feels as though there's no longer a need to dread work, to dread each successive day.

You know, when I was younger, I used to find it difficult to understand why people could stay in jobs that they do not enjoy, much less care for. Why suffer while working, especially since a disproportionate amount of waking time's spent working?

This, I could not fathom.

But when I start working, I realised why.

The work was fun, engaging, the colleagues, friendly. This initial pleasantry masked the gradual souring of working conditions. It was a quagmire that one couldn't recognise at first glance. Or, more accurately, it turned from a peaceful lake into a quagmire over time.

The reluctance to leave this job that few look forward to stemmed not only from the comfort, security and predictability offered but also with the general inertia, laziness and unpredictability in finding new jobs.

The reluctance to venture into uncertain grounds, the associative fears of pauperism and societal prejudice... they account for why people can stay in jobs that they dislike for years.

Sounds sad, doesn't it?


cloudy musings

February 14, 2010 0 Comments

Feeling a lazy sense of satisfaction in life and living. It feels wonderful to just flow atop the undercurrents while basking in the benevolent light of the sun.

To quit resisting change, to embrace what that might be. This harmonises the sense and the soul, creating peace where it hasn't been for a long time.

Had always been seeking - I've no idea what I'm trying to find, just know that I'm trying to find something - and it feels as though I'm finally ready to give up this search. The search was for the elusive object or idea or paradigm that could fill the gaping emptiness within - a purpose of life, a purpose to live, a purpose for living.

Then and there, I gave up the search.

Feeling unfettered ever since this deliberate decision was made. There's a certain power in not caring, a certain power in no longer caring. A pleasant feeling of floating among diaphanous clouds.