British English Vs Singlish

Singlish is a creole that draws upon the linguistic roots of different ethnicities in Singapore. Compared to Standard British or American English, this localised language is more succinct and coarse. The following examples, drawn from a viral email, are illustrative.
British English vs. S'porean English

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons : I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans : No stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons : Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
S'poreans : Hello, who call?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons : Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?
S'poreans : S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons : Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
S'poreans : No need lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
S'poreans : (pointing at the door) Can ah?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons : Please make yourself right at home.
S'poreans : No need shy shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons : I don't recall you giving me the money.
S'poreans : Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons : I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
S'poreans : Don't want lah.

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons : Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
S'poreans : You siao ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.
S'poreans : Shuddup lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?
S'poreans : See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons : We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..
S'poreans : Die liao la!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons : Will someone tell me what has just happened?
S'poreans : Why liddat ah?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons : This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you
S'poreans : Liddat also don't know how to do!

Let your S'porean and British friends know about this. Bet they'll have a good laugh too. Good day!

S'poreans : sent oredi mah

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