Musings about Life and Death

I had typed, deleted and re-typed this introduction. Each paragraph had seemed superfluous, wholly incapable of describing my melancholy. Words wafted in and out of existence.

I can't be bothered with writing a proper introduction anymore. It really doesn't matter. Other events matter. Life matters. So does Death.

How, how do we justify our existence in the light of death and diseases?

Wondering. Considering. Praying.

I am sad. Or feeling sad. Or both. I can't tell the difference between the two states. I can tell the difference between an electron in the ground/excited state but I can't tell the difference between being sad and feeling sad. It's as though my emotions are in a limbo, fluxing about, eluding my attempts to conceive them.

Sad, for who? For my Music/English teacher who passed away last week from cancer and left her children behind. For my primary school friend who realised during the same week that she was suffering from Chronic Myeloid Leukemia.

What are we to do? We, who are properly concerned with achieving good grades, enlarging our social circles and learning piles of notes. We, who are concerned with DoTA, How I Met Your Mother and SNSD?

It's easy to be caught up with all this. It's easy to lose sight of what matters, of what could be and should be. It takes tragedies - not just one, perhaps one after another - to jolt us out of our stupor. 

There are stuff that we take for granted. Really, we shouldn't. 

"i’ve been diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia (CML). the past six days felt like a stormy sea with troughs and ridges. i had the worst but also the best. i had my greatest fears but I received the greatest love. i had the greatest uncertainties, but the most reassurances. i had blood and marrow drawn from me but I received blood and medication that heals me. i vomited my food due to side effects of medication, but I had tons of home-cooked food made with love fed by my mom. i got carried out of the shower for almost fainting, but i've been showered with love and care from the nurses here. i cried for days and nights, but people cried for me more. i fight the disease, but not alone. my parents flew back from their business trip just for me. my brother was the sweetest. my sis was supportive. my relatives were more worried than i am. my friends too. i feel pain and suffering, but the heart aches the most. i love everyone whom had prayed for me and sent me their well-wishes. rest assured, they have actually been answered. i’m fighting the disease no matter what."

- an excerpt from a Facebook post by my friend

Perhaps it's time to examine our focus in life and living.