The realisation came not in dawning snatches spaced over time but in one disconcerting, jarring moment. Did not slowly became aware but was startled into awareness. Had been too caught up with making cheap money. To be more exact, the idea of making cheap money.
Had wanted to learn investing not to protect my meager assets from inflation, but to protect my innocence. A way to remain unsullied in the muddy waters. To put bread and butter on the table so that I need not put on a front to impress people I don't care for and things I don't care about.
Was initially inflamed by the idea of investing. Who else can I depend on but myself?
Turned out to be a cyclic conundrum. Investing is a dirty business. It is ugly, with banks and companies and investors each playing their own games. It is bitching in the discipline of macro- and micro-economics. It is a game of fireballs-tossing by greedy children who think it is safe picking. Was learning to spot the ugliness and in this way, became sullied. How ironic it is, to be sullied while trying to find a way of remaining unsullied!
Was, as Warren Buffett had said, giddy at the festivities. Almost forgot that all clocks will chime midnight.